Struggling

Once again, I am struggling. Struggling to do the things that need to be done, struggling to focus and complete a task, struggling to resist temptation and stay the course, struggling to make good choices and just feeling overwhelmed by all that is in front of me.

Struggling to face the thoughts/feelings/decisions that are coming up in counseling/therapy – I’m never really sure which is the right term. And here I go, getting sidetracked/distracted by something that is of no real importance. I need to make and stick with some decisions but it just seems like too much work.

I think I have become too comfortable in my rut and too scared to really try to get out of it. I’ve been in this place for so long and I’m not sure how to be any other way.

There are so many areas of my life that I would like to change and it is hard to commit to one, take baby steps and let the progress stick. I have been trying to improve my sleep but it is slow going. I am waking less often throughout the night but I’m finding it harder and harder to get myself out of bed and going in the morning.

The sun is shininig and it looks so nice outside- I’d like to just sit outside and soak up some sun but it is still quite cool and I have cleaning and laundry and a ton of other things I need to do. None of which I wish to do, so I sit here in front of the computer and do nothing. Why is taking action so hard for me??

Lots of questions but no answers. I hear the washer ding so I will at least go take caare of that and perhaps it will get me moving on something else.

Hope you are having a better day.

I Wonder…

I wonder…
why I am always hungry, even though I have eaten plenty?

why does exercise hurt?

why can’t the house clean itself?

what does my son do to his clothes – there are holes that are not from being frayed/worn?

when will my daughter stop thinking I’m useless?

why can’t chocolate and carrots switch their calorie counts??

when will I get enough sleep?

What are you wondering about today?? I’d love to know – drop me a quick comment.

My ONE WORD Update

As I mentioned last month, I have chosen to focus on one word this year. My word is HEALTH. In January I focused on my sleeping habits. The goal was to have a relaxing routine that prepared me for bed by 10 pm each night so that I could wake refreshed and ready to go at 6 am each morning.
In some respects it was a success – I did make it to bed by 10pm 23 out of 31 days and I spent 8 hours in bed 26 days. However, there were only 6 days that I woke up refreshed and ready to go. I did awaken by 6 am 23 days but for most of those days, I laid in bed listening to the radio and huddling under the covers.

My quality of sleep was not good and I need to do better at preparing for bed. I still need to be consistent in doing a relaxing routine before bed. Also I need to make some adjustments to my bedroom in terms of light coming in the room.

This month I will continue with developing the prebed routine. There will be no computer or tv after 9 pm, I will take a bath or shower and read a bit before heading off to bed for the night. I have some material to make coverings for the windows and hope to get DH to trim the doors. Otherwise I will have to move his chair so when he reads at night I’m not bothered by the light.

How did you do with your January goal??