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Posts tagged ‘frustration’

Soul Searching

Sitting here waiting for my daughter to return my car so I can go to church and I’m going back and forth in my mind over what to do. Should I skip Sunday School and take her to work because her car broke down and she can’t afford to get it fixed or should I let her deal with the consequences and take two busses to get there. That’s if she can even get two busses since it’s the Sunday schedule and there aren’t as many busses running. Should I loan her (more)money so she can get the car fixed or take a Uber ride to work?  What is helping and what is enabling??

Oh, to be able to go back in time and change how you did things – there are so many things I wish I had done differently. But I can’t go back in time, I can only choose to try to better from now on. The difficulty with that is trying to determine what is better.

Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head today…

Let’s try this again – I had a post completed last week and then lost it somehow. I’m out of practice from not writing for so long. I’m trying to become more regular with my posting but it’s not always easy.

I have become such a scatterbrain lately. Twice this month I missed an appointment – the first time I did not have it in my calendar or tickler file. Today it was in both places but I still managed to miss it. UGH!

Feeling very frustrated with the girl. She is so close to turning eighteen and thinks that she should have total control of her life. We however feel that as long as she lives at home, she needs to follow our rules. There is a lot of tension and it doesn’t look like it is going away anytime soon. She was going to move in with a friend’s family until she discovered that they had similar rules and it would be quite as free and easy as she thought. Now she wants to rent a room somewhere but really doesn’t have the money for that. Not sure what is going to happen with her.

In my last, lost in the ether post, I wrote about some gardening work I did. I have a bunch of irises and they needed to be divided and replanted. I dug up a bunch, cleaned them off, divided them, cut them back and let them sit for a bit before planting. I could/should have tried to find someone to take some of them because there were quite a lot but I didn’t. After planting a bunch of them, I got tired and ended up throwing the rest of them over the hillside. I know that will cause many gardeners to shudder in horror, but I just couldn’t handle the thoughts of trying to do anything else with them.

There was quite a bit of sunshine today and I went out and pulled three wheelbarrow loads of thistles. I keep pulling them out but they keep coming back again and again and again. Also pulled out the four clocks that got killed by the frost we had recently. Trying to clean up the dead leaves and get things ready for winter. Didn’t have much luck with the veggies this year. Need to think of something to keep the deer away.

Hope you had some sunshine and a chance to enjoy it today, until next time – have a great day.

Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head today…

So frustrating when you finally get around to try to complete a project and run out of supplies. Then you discover that you can’t find the exact thing to match unless you spend a whole lot more money -UGH!

First few weeks of school have gone pretty smoothly, hope it will continue a bit longer. The boy is not happy with the amount of homework but I don’t  think it has been that bad so far.

Need to get to work on gathering information to fill out financial aid forms now that the girl has decided to apply to some colleges. Not looking forward to that task.

My one lone pepper is finally turning red, there is one tomato that will hopefully last long enough to turn red and the second crop of raspberries are coming in. Think I’ll need the ladder to harvest the pears.

Starting to get hungry as I can smell the meat cooking in the roaster – swiss steak over rice for dinner tonight.

Off to finish the laundry before people starting coming home and the evening fun begins.

Tidbit Thursday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head today…

I could spend a week of 8 hour days weeding and I don’t think I would be able to clear all my garden beds – ugh! With more rain forecast there are just going to be more and more of them popping up.

I still need to get the tax stuff together and out to the accountant – I miss those days when I could fill out the EZ form and be done in a couple of hours.

Just over 8 weeks until school is out and summer vacation begins. The girl will be gone for most of it – working at a overnight camp for June and July and then off with a friend for a week in August. The boy has two weeks of camp set up so far. Not sure what else we will do – may try to get to an amusement park again. Definitely need a plan and then need to stick to it.

I have been making really bad choices lately and I need to turn things around.  This continual cycle of starting a plan and not following through for any length of time is really getting old. I’m tired of disappointing myself and not making any forward progress. I need to get serious about uncovering what is keeping me from doing what I say I want to do.  Need to figure out what I’m afraid of and try to come to terms with it.

Would like to update my fitness and one word goals but I don’t want to be depressed by my lack of progress – maybe I’ll get to it next week.

Guess that’s it for today – thanks for stopping by.

Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head…

It has been very difficult to get my new schedule going – two hour delays, school bus running late, end of year business accounting demands, frigid temperatures and a poor mindset have all contributed to the problem. With  three days of no school due to semester break, more winter weather and my upcoming trip, it doesn’t look like things will settle down any time soon.

I wish there weren’t so many choices in my life – too many opportunities for me to go the wrong way. And it is pure agony when the results of previous poor decisions come back to make life miserable.

It is really hard to live with people who don’t get along and put you in the middle. On the one hand I can’t wait to get away for awhile but on the other hand I’m very worried about how things will go when I’m gone. I imagine dire consequences and wonder if I should just stay home.

Enough of the gloom and doom – I’m off to try and raise my spirits. Hope your day is going better than mine.

Tuesday Tidbits

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head …

Today marks the last 100 days of the year. Last year I set a couple of goals to finish the year strong but this year the day snuck up on me. I do have some things I’d like to get done by the end of the year but I haven’t really set up any goals. I do have my original goals for the year that I’m still sort of working on.

I need to get out and finish up some garden stuff – weeding, pruning, pulling out dead stuff and preparing beds for winter.  Can’t seem to get up the motivation or energy to do it even though I know I should get it done before it gets too cold.

Can’t believe that the first month of school is over already. I’ve gotten very little done and it is disappointing. Every September, I think I’m finally going to get started on my many projects and goals and yet it doesn’t seem to happen. Not sure what keeps me from getting started but it is definitely starting to be discouraging.

On a final note, am I the only one or has anything like this ever happened to you  and if it did,  what did you do??

99 times you tell your teenager something and she doesn’t listen, the 100th time you forget to follow through and of course that’s the time she is listening;

you spend five minutes having a conversation with your hubby and less than 5 minutes later he says something that makes you realize either he wasn’t listening or he didn’t understand a word you said because he needs to have his hearing checked?

 

The Quick Fix

I decided last spring to try to fix the problem of weeds in the orchard by planting a combination of johnny jump up, thyme and micro-clover seeds. The hope was that the seed mix would take over and  crowd out the weeds. I figured I would need to pull some weeds but that  they would be fewer and fewer as time went on. Maybe that would have happened if  I had been able to do the work of pulling the weeds out over the course of the summer. Instead I came down with Lyme Disease and was not able to do much of anything outside last year.

Then came the bitterly cold days of winter and lots of snow, followed by rain, rain, rain this spring. All of that led to an explosion of weeds in the orchard, berry, veggie and flower beds. It seemed like an overwhelming task and I had to decide where to concentrate my energies. Since there are several dead trees that need to be removed from the orchard, I decided to let it go and start elsewhere. Today I ventured out to the orchard to begin working.

As I was pulling weed after weed, it occurred to me that my quick fix – planting the seed mix – had created another problem for me. I hadn’t considered the fact that not only would the mix spread and crowd out weeds but it would spread into areas where I don’t want it to be. Now I need to come up with a way to keep it out of the flower beds. That led me to think of other quick fixes that create problems down the line and how my life seems to be full of them.

I have an argument with a family member and feel sad,  my quick fix- some kind of chocolate/sugar concoction that leads to feeling discouraged because I want to lose some weight and that will not help me reach that goal.

I’m tired and don’t have the energy to be consistent in training my children, my quick fix- just do the job for them which leads to children who do not participate in the daily upkeep of the house and their stuff.

I don’t want to deal with a tantrum/argument, my quick fix- let them do something that I know I shouldn’t  and that leads to children who question every request and feel entitled to more than they deserve.

I feel stressed by any of the above, my quick fix- hop on the computer or disappear into the pages of a book which leads to work not done, feelings of disgust and a sense of hopelessness.

I need to stop reaching for the quick fix and start carefully considering my actions. I need to look ahead and see where the choice I’m making is going to lead and decide if that is where I want to go. I need to think through the situations before I’m in them and come up with some alternative fixes so I’m not falling back into bad habits. A tall order but one that needs to be filled.

What about you? Do you have any quick fixes that you need to change? What is your plan? Any advice for me? I’m open to suggestions so please share in the comments. Thanks

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