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Posts tagged ‘frustration’

Soul Searching

Sitting here waiting for my daughter to return my car so I can go to church and I’m going back and forth in my mind over what to do. Should I skip Sunday School and take her to work because her car broke down and she can’t afford to get it fixed or should I let her deal with the consequences and take two busses to get there. That’s if she can even get two busses since it’s the Sunday schedule and there aren’t as many busses running. Should I loan her (more)money so she can get the car fixed or take a Uber ride to work?  What is helping and what is enabling??

Oh, to be able to go back in time and change how you did things – there are so many things I wish I had done differently. But I can’t go back in time, I can only choose to try to better from now on. The difficulty with that is trying to determine what is better.

Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head today…

Let’s try this again – I had a post completed last week and then lost it somehow. I’m out of practice from not writing for so long. I’m trying to become more regular with my posting but it’s not always easy.

I have become such a scatterbrain lately. Twice this month I missed an appointment – the first time I did not have it in my calendar or tickler file. Today it was in both places but I still managed to miss it. UGH!

Feeling very frustrated with the girl. She is so close to turning eighteen and thinks that she should have total control of her life. We however feel that as long as she lives at home, she needs to follow our rules. There is a lot of tension and it doesn’t look like it is going away anytime soon. She was going to move in with a friend’s family until she discovered that they had similar rules and it would be quite as free and easy as she thought. Now she wants to rent a room somewhere but really doesn’t have the money for that. Not sure what is going to happen with her.

In my last, lost in the ether post, I wrote about some gardening work I did. I have a bunch of irises and they needed to be divided and replanted. I dug up a bunch, cleaned them off, divided them, cut them back and let them sit for a bit before planting. I could/should have tried to find someone to take some of them because there were quite a lot but I didn’t. After planting a bunch of them, I got tired and ended up throwing the rest of them over the hillside. I know that will cause many gardeners to shudder in horror, but I just couldn’t handle the thoughts of trying to do anything else with them.

There was quite a bit of sunshine today and I went out and pulled three wheelbarrow loads of thistles. I keep pulling them out but they keep coming back again and again and again. Also pulled out the four clocks that got killed by the frost we had recently. Trying to clean up the dead leaves and get things ready for winter. Didn’t have much luck with the veggies this year. Need to think of something to keep the deer away.

Hope you had some sunshine and a chance to enjoy it today, until next time – have a great day.

Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head today…

So frustrating when you finally get around to try to complete a project and run out of supplies. Then you discover that you can’t find the exact thing to match unless you spend a whole lot more money -UGH!

First few weeks of school have gone pretty smoothly, hope it will continue a bit longer. The boy is not happy with the amount of homework but I don’t  think it has been that bad so far.

Need to get to work on gathering information to fill out financial aid forms now that the girl has decided to apply to some colleges. Not looking forward to that task.

My one lone pepper is finally turning red, there is one tomato that will hopefully last long enough to turn red and the second crop of raspberries are coming in. Think I’ll need the ladder to harvest the pears.

Starting to get hungry as I can smell the meat cooking in the roaster – swiss steak over rice for dinner tonight.

Off to finish the laundry before people starting coming home and the evening fun begins.

Tidbit Thursday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head today…

I could spend a week of 8 hour days weeding and I don’t think I would be able to clear all my garden beds – ugh! With more rain forecast there are just going to be more and more of them popping up.

I still need to get the tax stuff together and out to the accountant – I miss those days when I could fill out the EZ form and be done in a couple of hours.

Just over 8 weeks until school is out and summer vacation begins. The girl will be gone for most of it – working at a overnight camp for June and July and then off with a friend for a week in August. The boy has two weeks of camp set up so far. Not sure what else we will do – may try to get to an amusement park again. Definitely need a plan and then need to stick to it.

I have been making really bad choices lately and I need to turn things around.  This continual cycle of starting a plan and not following through for any length of time is really getting old. I’m tired of disappointing myself and not making any forward progress. I need to get serious about uncovering what is keeping me from doing what I say I want to do.  Need to figure out what I’m afraid of and try to come to terms with it.

Would like to update my fitness and one word goals but I don’t want to be depressed by my lack of progress – maybe I’ll get to it next week.

Guess that’s it for today – thanks for stopping by.

Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head…

It has been very difficult to get my new schedule going – two hour delays, school bus running late, end of year business accounting demands, frigid temperatures and a poor mindset have all contributed to the problem. With  three days of no school due to semester break, more winter weather and my upcoming trip, it doesn’t look like things will settle down any time soon.

I wish there weren’t so many choices in my life – too many opportunities for me to go the wrong way. And it is pure agony when the results of previous poor decisions come back to make life miserable.

It is really hard to live with people who don’t get along and put you in the middle. On the one hand I can’t wait to get away for awhile but on the other hand I’m very worried about how things will go when I’m gone. I imagine dire consequences and wonder if I should just stay home.

Enough of the gloom and doom – I’m off to try and raise my spirits. Hope your day is going better than mine.

Tuesday Tidbits

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head …

Today marks the last 100 days of the year. Last year I set a couple of goals to finish the year strong but this year the day snuck up on me. I do have some things I’d like to get done by the end of the year but I haven’t really set up any goals. I do have my original goals for the year that I’m still sort of working on.

I need to get out and finish up some garden stuff – weeding, pruning, pulling out dead stuff and preparing beds for winter.  Can’t seem to get up the motivation or energy to do it even though I know I should get it done before it gets too cold.

Can’t believe that the first month of school is over already. I’ve gotten very little done and it is disappointing. Every September, I think I’m finally going to get started on my many projects and goals and yet it doesn’t seem to happen. Not sure what keeps me from getting started but it is definitely starting to be discouraging.

On a final note, am I the only one or has anything like this ever happened to you  and if it did,  what did you do??

99 times you tell your teenager something and she doesn’t listen, the 100th time you forget to follow through and of course that’s the time she is listening;

you spend five minutes having a conversation with your hubby and less than 5 minutes later he says something that makes you realize either he wasn’t listening or he didn’t understand a word you said because he needs to have his hearing checked?


The Quick Fix

I decided last spring to try to fix the problem of weeds in the orchard by planting a combination of johnny jump up, thyme and micro-clover seeds. The hope was that the seed mix would take over and  crowd out the weeds. I figured I would need to pull some weeds but that  they would be fewer and fewer as time went on. Maybe that would have happened if  I had been able to do the work of pulling the weeds out over the course of the summer. Instead I came down with Lyme Disease and was not able to do much of anything outside last year.

Then came the bitterly cold days of winter and lots of snow, followed by rain, rain, rain this spring. All of that led to an explosion of weeds in the orchard, berry, veggie and flower beds. It seemed like an overwhelming task and I had to decide where to concentrate my energies. Since there are several dead trees that need to be removed from the orchard, I decided to let it go and start elsewhere. Today I ventured out to the orchard to begin working.

As I was pulling weed after weed, it occurred to me that my quick fix – planting the seed mix – had created another problem for me. I hadn’t considered the fact that not only would the mix spread and crowd out weeds but it would spread into areas where I don’t want it to be. Now I need to come up with a way to keep it out of the flower beds. That led me to think of other quick fixes that create problems down the line and how my life seems to be full of them.

I have an argument with a family member and feel sad,  my quick fix- some kind of chocolate/sugar concoction that leads to feeling discouraged because I want to lose some weight and that will not help me reach that goal.

I’m tired and don’t have the energy to be consistent in training my children, my quick fix- just do the job for them which leads to children who do not participate in the daily upkeep of the house and their stuff.

I don’t want to deal with a tantrum/argument, my quick fix- let them do something that I know I shouldn’t  and that leads to children who question every request and feel entitled to more than they deserve.

I feel stressed by any of the above, my quick fix- hop on the computer or disappear into the pages of a book which leads to work not done, feelings of disgust and a sense of hopelessness.

I need to stop reaching for the quick fix and start carefully considering my actions. I need to look ahead and see where the choice I’m making is going to lead and decide if that is where I want to go. I need to think through the situations before I’m in them and come up with some alternative fixes so I’m not falling back into bad habits. A tall order but one that needs to be filled.

What about you? Do you have any quick fixes that you need to change? What is your plan? Any advice for me? I’m open to suggestions so please share in the comments. Thanks

Asking for Help

So, I’m supposed to go on retreat this weekend since I postponed my original date to stay home with the girl who was grounded( hubby and son were going on a cub scout camping trip and wouldn’t be home to supervise her). This has been on the calendar since mid-January – it was not something that just popped up out of nowhere.  This morning my hubby says he’s not sure if  A. he can pick up the boy afterschool on Friday and B.  be around this weekend to supervise the boy. In a normal family this would not be a problem because the teenage daughter would just have to babysit her nine year old brother.

Unfortunately, we are not a normal family. Teenage daughter and nine year old brother can not be together unsupervised for more than a few minutes before one of them does something that causes the other one to have a meltdown and then WW3 begins. So hubby says can’t you find someone to A. pick up the boy afterschool and watch him for an hour until the girl gets home and B. ask someone to take the boy for a couple of hours on Saturday. This should not be a problem for a normal mom but see above – we are not a normal family.

What if I do the unthinkable and ask for help? Why you may  ask is that unthinkable. Mainly because I have an extremely hard time asking anyone for help.  It causes me enormous stress to even think about asking for help.  There are many reasons – I don’t want to be a bother, I don’t want to seem needy, I think my family should be able to handle things if I can’t,  I worry about what others will think of me, I worry about how my child will behave, I worry that I won’t be able to return the favor, and on and on.

Today however, I was looking at my vision board and saw the Eleanor Roosevelt quote – Do one thing everyday that scares you. So I did it. I asked a mom at the bus stop if she could watch Matthew for a couple of hours this weekend. I offered her the two options and she volunteered for both! I nearly cried I was so relieved to have actually done it  and so grateful that she said yes. Of course I am still worried that the boy will misbehave or that she thinks I’m a bother but I’m going to try and not think about those things. Instead I’m going to be proud of myself for asking for help and for making sure that I get what I need — some time away/some time for myself this weekend.

After reading over this I want to add that it is a busy time for my husband – he is shutting down his business and moving equipment into a new building. I’m just frustrated that he ended up doing it on this weekend when he knew that I wouldn’t be around. I feel like he should have planned things a bit better since he has been working on this for the last two months. I feel like the family’s needs have not been considered lately and it has been stressing me out a bit.  I don’t know if things could have been handled any better but I wish they had been handled differently.

Tuesday Tidbits

Another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head…

This feels like a repeat of last week – another snow day and I’m really off my game. Yesterday was so promising – worked in the loft, did some cleaning and got my routines done but today was not good at all.

The boy is driving me crazy – too much energy and nothing I suggest is any fun. The morning was filled with lots of yelling and tears-luckily that was him not me – I actually managed to keep my cool for a change. Since then he has mopped my floors with couch cushions, bounced off every wall and annoyed his sister almost hourly.

The girl just told me that she turned down an offer from a friend to ” have sex and get the whole virgin thing over and done with” – ugh, not a conversation I wanted to have today or quite frankly any day. She wanted to know how I dealt with this when I was in high school and I had to tell her that it wasn’t very common back in the dark ages when I was in high school. It seems several of her crowd have lost their virginity this year and the rest are wondering what to do about it.

Finally got up the gumption to go swimming only to discover that the pool is closed due to a filter problem. Definitely will need to make up some laps next month. I need to get on a regular schedule and just go when I say I will. I could make a date with the hubby to go but I like being on my own and just enjoying myself in the water. I don’t really want to share that time with anyone.

Tuesday Tidbits

Here are the random thoughts running around in my head today…

It is sad that the only time you see some people is at a funeral.

It is amazing how children heal so quickly – my son’s stitches came out today and the bite is mending quite well. He was bit by a dog 10 days ago – it took 6 stitches to close it up.

It is so beautiful to look outside in the morning and see the crisp white snow and so sad to see the gray slush later in the day.

It is frustrating to go to the grocery store for one item and have to circle the parking lot to try and find a parking space.


Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving


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