This is a unedited rant that I just need to get out of my head. I will probably not look at it after I’ve finished it, so please forgive any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and the like. Thanks!
So. I’m feeling overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, disappointed – just so many negative emotions lately. Things are starting to slide down again and I want to stop it but just feel so overwhelmed and unable to take that first step. I know what I should, even need to be doing and yet I keep choosing something else. What is it that makes me do such self-destructive things??
Let me name just a few of the things on my plate…
-teenage daughter who borrows things and does not return them – says she did but case in point – library books. According to her, she returned 2 books but the library says only one was returned; I could understand if both were showing as not returned but since one is and one isn’t, I’m not really believing her and I hate that I don’t believe her but experience has shown me that she can’t always be trusted
-teenage daughter who uses things without permission and does not return them or denies having them and later they are found in her possession
-husband who does not approve of my parenting methods but does not have any ideas of what to do differently
-children who do not clean their dishes after eating leading to ants in the kitchen and everywhere else they decide to sneak food
-son who seems to only be able to do something if it involves hundreds of things(crayons, legos, paper, cards, books) which he is then unable to clean up when he is done
-husband who thinks I need to be more active and complains about it
-worrying about my dad who is getting to be too old to be living in his house without some kind of help and because of this is dealing with a bedbug infestation lasting several months now
-worrying about my sister who because she lives close ends up being the one who has to deal with our father’s problems while she has problems of her own to cope with
-feeling stupid for not making sure that the bedbug thing was completely gone before spending a weekend there
-feeling guilty because I took my son to visit his grandfather and now he is covered in hives due to an allergic reaction to numerous bed bug bites and will be needing serious meds
-feeling angry with myself for not doing productive work but still sitting in front of the computer instead of doing anything else
-dreading the weekend because I do not want to be around my family
OKAY – enough of that it is time to try to do something constructive for a change. Off to do one small thing to move me forward instead being stuck in neutral.