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Dad

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I have had a major disruption in my life recently.  My Dad went into the hospital in late January and on January 29th(the day  I was to begin my 100 day challenge), my sister called to say that the doctor didn’t think our dad would make it through the night.  I threw together a few things and left.

When I got to the hospital, Dad was alert and aware but his oxygen and blood pressure were unstable. The infection had become/had been ?? a blood infection. He had been scheduled to have tests done but they were unable to perform the tests.  It became clear that it was time to move to comfort measures and let things run their course.

We brought him home and had hospice come in.  We were given an estimate of 3-5 days but he lasted just over two weeks. Luckily for us he had only minor pain at the very end and just slipped peacefully away. I can not say enough about the hospice staff. They took care of so many little details, provided us with necessary supplies and were in daily to check on dad and give him a bath.  He was really touched by the pinning ceremony they did in honor of  his Army service . We were truly blessed to have them during this time.

Between caring for my dad, searching for paperwork(insurance polices, the will, veteran service info), helping my sister to begin to clear out the house, traveling and the funeral, I have gotten way off track yet again. My original 100 day challenge has been scrapped and I’ve been working on a 50 day challenge involving getting rid of one item per day and getting the business and personal tax information together. I’m giving myself some grace and not focusing on health as much right now. I need to see tangible results each day and that isn’t as easy when I’m working on my health.

Well, that’s a quick recap of my February, what’s been happening in your neck of the woods?? Let me know by leaving a comment.

One Word – Health Part 2

Once I got the diagnosis I went on antibiotics and a probiotic. I  still didn’t have much of an appetite and was having a hard time having enough energy to do more than the basics each day. One bright spot was that I wasn’t really missing the sugar/chocolate and I had been sure that was going to be a big problem for me. I lost a ton of weight –  not eating will do that for you. In fact I was able to get down to my goal weight but unfortunately I didn’t stay there.

On the follow up visit with the doctor I learned that I have some food sensitivities most notably peanut and whey.  To a lesser degree I showed some sensitivity to eggs and milk products. I had a severe candida problem and some heavy metals in my system.  I was advised to add back in oranges, soy and corn and see how I did with them. I also got a prescription for natural thyroid meds, a Vitamin D supplement and some stuff help rebuild my stomach.

I had a period of feeling loads better – in fact I couldn’t remember feeling so energetic and pleased with life. I started doing some exercising – nothing hard core but more than I had done in a long time. I even joined a club and started swimming. It was amazing but I have started to slip lately. I’m having trouble sticking to my diet. It started with an event for church. We were asked to make cookies and DS wanted to make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. I told myself I would just have one but of course that didn’t work. Then later in the week was Halloween and I was tempted again. I ate way too much chocolate and I’m still having trouble with cravings. Some days it just feels like a constant struggle, I get discouraged and then I’m falling off the wagon and then beating myself up about it. It’s a cycle I can’t seem to break out of.

It doesn’t help that I’m having relationship struggles as well. A lot of it is typical age related stuff with my kids but it is just wearing me down. My DH and I  aren’t always on the same page about how to deal with it and that adds another layer of stress to the mix. Some days I can stay positive and not dwell on it but other days it just seems overwhelming and I doubt everything I do/say/think. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide away. I keep trying to remember that these things will pass but it isn’t always easy.

One Word – Health

So, back in January I decided to get on the one word bandwagon. That’s the idea that you pick a word to focus on throughout the year. I chose health as my word and I was going to try and work on one aspect of my health each month.

I started with sleep because it seems to affect so many other things, especially weight gain/loss and mood which I also wanted to improve. I worked on my sleep environment, my pre-bed routine and trying to keep my wakeup and sleep times consistent. I did okay but had trouble staying consistent – my usual problem. I can do something for so long but never long enough for it to become automatic.

Next I tried to work on my water intake because it also seems to affect so many other things. I really struggled with this one. It takes a lot of effort for me to drink that much water. You would think that it would be easy since water is the only thing I drink but I don’t make it most days.

I decided to make an appointment with a functional medicine practitioner because I was getting tired of the way I was feeling and I wasn’t sure if the meds I was on were really helping me. (Background – I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism 18 years ago, have postpartum depression/dysthymia issues and am going through menopause) I had heard good things about this doctor and decided to see what she had to say.

There was a two hour initial meeting  that was very thorough and I felt like there was a possibility that things could change if I went through the testing she recommended. I wasn’t as excited about all the supplements she wanted me to try but figured it was worth a shot. She put me on an elimination diet which I was sure was going to be hell. I had to do blood, urine, hair and salivia testing as well.

I spent the weekend enjoying a last taste of my forbidden foods and was ready to start my new diet bright and early one Monday morning. I  was supposed to take a protein shake in the morning but I wasn’t really hungry so I put it off until lunch. I’m not really big on shakes or smoothies – its a texture thing – I just don’t like that thick stuff. This one smelled really bad and I had to force myself to drink it. In fact, it took about 30 minutes for me to drink it all.  It didn’t stay down long – I was in the bathroom throwing up within the hour. Later that evening I started feeling sick and ended up going to bed early.

The next morning I still wasn’t feeling well but I was hungry. I had a craving for an apple. I ate a slice but was back in the bathroom dry heaving. I  was still tired so I just went back to bed. Then I started having chills and aches. I thought maybe I had a stomach bug or something. I had no appetite and slept 12 – 16 hours for the next 4-5 days. I talked with the doctor and thought I might have the flu. I tried to rest and stay hydrated – not something I’m very good at.

Then I developed a red circular patch on my arm. It started out about the size of a quarter. It didn’t itch, it wasn’t crusty, it just got bigger and bigger. Then I noticed a few more on different parts of my body. Finally my husband convinced me to have them looked at. That’s when I found out that I had Lyme disease.

This is getting kind of long – I’ll stop here for now and finish up tomorrow.

Sabotage and/or Diet

I’ve been listening to some speakers lately and two have really impacted me. The first one talked about how and why we sabotage ourselves as we try to improve our lives. There was a lot of information to digest and I could definitely see myself in what she said.

In fact, just recently I did something that I know I shouldn’t do but I was sure this time would be different. I bought a bag of Hershey Kisses and told myself that I would just eat one serving and the bag would last at least for a week. Of course that did not happen and I ended up eating the entire bag in three days. I know I do not have much(if any) willpower and I should not even bring that kind of stuff home.

The second speaker spoke about diets and how they often fail. Part of the problem is they ask you to give up favorite foods and that is hard to do over the long term. She also discussed how we have lost the ability to recognize our hunger and our fullness. We eat too often and too much food. Lots of stuff for me to think about and put into action.

This may be the next step to take in my health journey – something around my food choices. Have to think about it a bit.

One Word Update

I’m definitely not one of those people who can develop a new habit in 21 days. I’ve set two goals in regards to my one word -HEALTH- so far this year and I’ve needed more time to come even close to making them habits.

I am doing fairly well with my sleep routines. I’m doing very well with my bedtime routine and getting to bed on time but mornings are still rough. I’m continuing to try to get better and not beat myself up over the mess ups.

The water drinking has been more problematic. I got off to an okay start but then we went away for a few days and after that I got sick. I am up to at least 50 ounces a day but struggle to get past that. I’m still plugging away and hope to be at 64 by the end of the month. I need to work reminders into my daily schedule so that I reach for water on a regular basis and so that I think about trying a glass of water before I try a snack to fill me up.

Have you been working on your health or a one word goal of your own? I’d love to hear about your progress.

February Update and March Goal

Well I did okay with the February goal but I had trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I did my night time routine – no tv/computer after 9pm, bath and reading- 26 out of 28 nights. I was in bed before 10pm on 25 nights out of 28. However I only got up and moving by 6am on 11 out of 28 days.

I’m not sure what to do to get myself out of bed in the morning. It is just dark and cold and I’d rather stay in bed. Hopefully with Spring coming it will get easier to get out of bed in the morning.

I probably should work on adding some kind of exercise to my day or sticking to a maximum daily calorie count but I’m not ready nfor the kind of commitment. Instead I’ve decided to work on something else that will improve my health, drinking water. Almost everyone recommends that you get at least 64 ounces of water a day. I’m lucky if I get 32 ounces each day and since I don’t drink anything else, I’m sure my body needs more liquids. I decided to try to increase by one glass each week.

After the weekend I’ve realized that I need to have some kind of plan to help me get into the habit of drinking more than just a few sips here and there. I have a hard time trying to drink a full 8 ounce glass at one time. I’ve been using a five ounce glass and can usually finish it off with my meals. Now I need to add it to snack and other times to get my total up where I want it to be.

What’s your goal for this month??

Struggling

Once again, I am struggling. Struggling to do the things that need to be done, struggling to focus and complete a task, struggling to resist temptation and stay the course, struggling to make good choices and just feeling overwhelmed by all that is in front of me.

Struggling to face the thoughts/feelings/decisions that are coming up in counseling/therapy – I’m never really sure which is the right term. And here I go, getting sidetracked/distracted by something that is of no real importance. I need to make and stick with some decisions but it just seems like too much work.

I think I have become too comfortable in my rut and too scared to really try to get out of it. I’ve been in this place for so long and I’m not sure how to be any other way.

There are so many areas of my life that I would like to change and it is hard to commit to one, take baby steps and let the progress stick. I have been trying to improve my sleep but it is slow going. I am waking less often throughout the night but I’m finding it harder and harder to get myself out of bed and going in the morning.

The sun is shininig and it looks so nice outside- I’d like to just sit outside and soak up some sun but it is still quite cool and I have cleaning and laundry and a ton of other things I need to do. None of which I wish to do, so I sit here in front of the computer and do nothing. Why is taking action so hard for me??

Lots of questions but no answers. I hear the washer ding so I will at least go take caare of that and perhaps it will get me moving on something else.

Hope you are having a better day.

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