This is not a typical post – I need to get some thoughts out and this will be an unedited, perhaps rambling post – more for my benefit than anything else.
For the first time our family has been personally touched by suicide. We’ve seen the stories in the news, even heard of a few from our city but this is someone my daughter knew so it is completely different. It is so hard to know what to do with the things I’m thinking and feeling although not as hard as trying to figure out what to do or say to my girl. My girl has always felt herself to be an outsider whether at home, with her cousins, at school or at church, she often feel like no one really gets her. Last week she met a guy at a get together with a friend’s family. They hit it off, she felt very comfortable with him and wanted to see more of him. She came and asked but upon hearing that he is 19(she just turned 16), I said no. She continued to text and call but they agreed to cool things since her parents were not really happy about the age difference.
Then comes the news that he committed suicide. She had known that he had some struggles – had taken a year off to decide what to do with his life but didn’t know the full extent of what had gone on in his life before he had made that decision. So it turns out that 6 years ago his older brother had committed suicide and he found him. He suffered from depression and who knows what else since then.
My heart goes out to that family – what a horrible thing to have happen. My heart goes out to all teenagers who feel that their only course of action is to end it all. I wish they could truly understand that things can get better and that there is hope for better things. I want so much to share this with my DD but it is hard to know what to say to her – she doesn’t easily share her feelings and I don’t want to push or crowd her. She knows I am here for her but that doesn’t feel like it is enough.
I feel so bad for this young man but at the same time I am angry. It seems like such a selfish thing to do – which of course is fairly typical of teenagers – not to consider how it will affect others. Not to consider how others will go over and over what they did or didn’t do that might have made a difference to him. I don’t mean to blame him, it’s just that I just don’t get how people think that this will solve anything- well I get that they think they will hurt no more but what about the people who love them and all the people that may have been touched by them. It is just a big loss for everyone concerned. We all miss out on what could have been.
This just makes me want to hug every child I know and tell them that they are special, they are important and they mean so much to the people who know and love them.