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Posts tagged ‘success/failure’

Soul Searching

Sitting here waiting for my daughter to return my car so I can go to church and I’m going back and forth in my mind over what to do. Should I skip Sunday School and take her to work because her car broke down and she can’t afford to get it fixed or should I let her deal with the consequences and take two busses to get there. That’s if she can even get two busses since it’s the Sunday schedule and there aren’t as many busses running. Should I loan her (more)money so she can get the car fixed or take a Uber ride to work?  What is helping and what is enabling??

Oh, to be able to go back in time and change how you did things – there are so many things I wish I had done differently. But I can’t go back in time, I can only choose to try to better from now on. The difficulty with that is trying to determine what is better.

One Word – Looking Back/Looking Forward

In 2014 I had two words for the year – my originally chosen word was space and then I added love after reading other people’s choices. For space,  I started out strong by cleaning out the loft but as the year went on, other people’s stuff starting creeping back in and it is back to a bit of a mess again. I did continue to clean out my closet and tried to keep my commitments to a minimum but there is still work that could be done.

As for love, I definitely have work to do in that area. I read something in Notes From a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider that helped me to understand the problems I had in this area. She wrote   “…spiraling down a lifestyle habit of chronically not taking care of yourself, to the point where you’re apathetic or overwhelmed at the thought of making little choices that would help your family live more intentionally.”(page 202) That’s where I’ve been and I need to be more intentional about taking care of myself – not feeling guilty for taking time to do the things that I like, the things that refresh me. To stop feeling like I’m not worthy of the time to take care of myself.

Looking back over the years, I can see my pattern – starting strong and then not completing/following through. This will be my goal for 2015. I’ve compiled a list of projects that I’d like to follow through to completion – well some will not ever be completed because they are routines for things that need to be done on a continual basis. However, there are a lot of projects that can be completed and I’m hoping to finally get them done. In my next post I’ll write down the list – later I’ll add notes as to how/why they came to be on the list. My word for 2015 is Completion and I hope to be able to cross quite a few of the items on the list before 2016 rolls around.

Did you have a word for 2014? How did it turn out for you?  Have you chosen a word for 2015? Don’t have a word? What about a goal or resolution? What will you be working on in 2015 – please leave a comment and let me know.


Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head…

Dad’s surgery went well – it was a rather large cataract and he had some swelling but is doing well now. Although he is upset that he still can’t drive – he hates to be dependent on my sister.

Snow today – still have some stuff to do in the garden but it will have to wait for a warmer day.

My “Thanksgiving” cactus is starting to bloom and my orchid is sending out a flower stalk – love being able to have fresh flowers in the house when it is cold out and nothing is blooming outside(although I do still have a couple of pansies that haven’t given up yet).

Hubby and DD went out for a driving lesson over the weekend. They managed to spend almost two hours without getting upset with each other which is a record here lately.

DS and I have been trying to deliver popcorn, it can be discouraging when people never seem to be home and we need to collect money so we can turn it in to the Cub Scout troop.

I finally got rid of three items I have wanted to get out of the house. I had wanted to try to sell them but I don’t know how to take digital photos and upload them to the computer. I tried to get hubby or DD to do it for me but it didn’t happen so I just went ahead and offered them for free to my neighborhood list. The train table and train sets went quickly but it took awhile to get rid of the inflatable turkey yard decoration. I’m so glad to get rid of them and now I’m searching for stuff to add to my load for VVA. I want to do that before the end of the month.

I’m trying to decide if I’m a bad parent or a good parent for taking my DD’s glasses to her at school. This is the second time it has happened. The first time I told her she should start packing her glasses so she is prepared for another incident.  Part of me thinks I should have let her suffer the consequences and the other part is annoyed that she just expected me to just drop everything and come down there. It is hard to know what is the right thing to do or perhaps I should say it is hard for me to decide and stick to my decision. Ugh!

Now I’m off to get some quiet time before everyone gets home.


Tidbit Tuesday

Just another installment of the random thoughts running around in my head…

It is a beautiful day and I did some work in the garden, still lots to do but I’m getting some areas completed at last.

Hoping that all is going well with my Dad – he is having cataract surgery this afternoon. So glad my sister is able to be with him. Keeping them and the surgical staff in my prayers.

Yesterday was my DD’s 17th birthday – it made me realize that we have just under 2 years of living together under the same roof. Sometimes that thought makes me sad and yet at other times, I can’t wait for our time to end.

I’ve been reading lots of blogs lately – last month was the annual 31 Days event where lots of bloggers write for 31 days on one topic. There are tons of great writers out there and I enjoy checking them out. However, sometimes it can be discouraging when I start to compare myself because I don’t fare very well when I do that. It is so easy for me to see the negative and get so caught up with that view that I skip over the positives that are here. It’s something I have to watch out for.

Have you read any of the 31 Day blogs? Were there any that you thought were really good?

This is a unedited rant that I just need to get out of my head. I will probably not look at it after I’ve finished it, so please  forgive any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and the like. Thanks!

So. I’m feeling overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, disappointed – just so many negative emotions lately. Things are starting to slide down again and I want to stop it but just feel so overwhelmed and unable to take that first step. I know what I should, even need to be doing and yet I keep choosing something else. What is it that makes me do such self-destructive things??

Let me name just a few of the things on my plate…

-teenage daughter who borrows things and does not return them  – says she did but case in point – library books. According to her, she returned 2 books  but the library says only one was returned; I could understand if both were showing as not returned but since one is and one isn’t, I’m not really believing her and I hate that I don’t believe her but experience has shown me that she can’t always be trusted

-teenage daughter who uses things without permission and does not return them or denies having them and later they are found in her possession

-husband who does not approve of my parenting methods but does not have any ideas of what to do differently

-children who do not clean their dishes after eating leading to ants in the kitchen and everywhere else they decide to sneak food

-son who seems to only be able to do something if it involves hundreds of things(crayons, legos, paper, cards, books) which he is then unable to clean up when he is done

-husband who thinks I need to be more active and complains about it

-worrying about my dad who is getting to be too old to be living in his house without some kind of help and because of this is dealing with a bedbug infestation lasting several months now

-worrying about my sister who because she lives close ends up being the one who has to deal with our father’s problems while she has problems of her own to cope with

-feeling stupid for not making sure that the bedbug thing was completely gone before spending a weekend there

-feeling guilty because I took my son to visit his grandfather and now he is covered in hives due to an allergic reaction to numerous bed bug bites and will be needing serious meds

-feeling angry with myself for not doing productive work but still sitting in front of the computer instead of doing anything else

-dreading the weekend because I do not want to be around my family

OKAY – enough of that it is time to try to do something constructive for a change. Off to do one small thing to move me forward instead being stuck in neutral.

Tuesday Tidbits

Just another installment of the random thoughts rolling around in my head…

I’m feeling good about the work I’ve accomplished in the weed forest – still lots to go but there is a noticeable improvement. We’ve started to cut down the dead trees and I’m looking into possible replacements.

I’m feeling happy that my  son has made some friends in the neighborhood – it’s nice to not have to listen to the “there’s nothing to do” chorus.

I’m feeling frustrated because my daughter seems completely unable to follow simple rules and torn as to what possible consequences I can try this time around. It seems as though nothing ever really lasts and I’m tired of the battle. I can’t give up as I’ve done in the past but it is tough to stay the course.

I’m pleased that I finally got off my butt and got to the pool today – only 200 meters but it’s a start. First time in over 4 months – need to get serious about getting there at least once every week.

I really want/need to get myself into a more productive routine. I’m spending too much time on what I want to do and not enough on the things I need to do. It is starting to catch up to me in not so great ways – ugh.

I’m going to close for now before I get myself into a negative mindset – off to do something productive like finishing up the laundry.

Mid-year Goal Update – Fitness

Update on this year’s fitness goals – original goal in bold and updated goal in italics.

Steps – 10,000/day = 3,650,000 minimum         13,700/day = 5,000,000 stretch

As of 6/30/14, I have walked 2,468,083 steps which works out to 13,635/day  which puts me about 12,000 away from my stretch goal.

My new step goal is 10,000/day to reach 3,650,000 minimum and   13,761/day to reach 5,000,000 stretch

I think I can keep up the pace for the next few months. The challenge is to get ahead by November when the holidays and weather may put a cramp in my ability to meet the daily goals. We’ll see how things go. I’m definitely pleased with the progress so far on this goal.


Swimming – 26,000 meters  minimum         52,000 meters stretch

As of 6/30/14, I have swum 1800 meters –  a far cry from my goals. I have just not been able to get myself motivated to get to the pool. I’m hoping to do better but it will be a miracle if I manage to make it to my minimum. I’m just going to focus on getting there twice this month and we’ll see how many meters I can manage.


How are your fitness goals coming along? Anyone want to share?

Fitness Friday

Update on this year’s fitness goals – original goal in bold and updated goal in italics

Steps – 10,000/day = 3,650,000 minimum    13,700/day =  5,000,000 stretch  

total as of 3/31/14  1,172,955   worked out to an average of 13038 daily which is 662 steps short of my stretch goal

New goal   10,000/day =3,650,000 minimum    13,917/daily = 5,000,000 stretch

I am pleased with my progress so far – I figured that the weather might make it tough to meet my stretch goal this quarter and it did. I expect to have an easier time meeting the stretch goal during the next 6 months when the weather is better. We’ll see how I do.

I have not done as well with my swimming goals. Between the frigid temperatures, kids home due to school closings and the pool closed for repairs I have not done much swimming but hope to do better beginning now!

Minimum goal – 26,000 meters     stretch goal 52,000 meters

Total as of 3/31/14  1250 meters

New goal  2750 meters/month =26,000 minimum    5650 meters/month =52,000 stretch

Did you make any fitness goals for this year? How are you doing? Let me know and I’ll cheer you along.



One Word 2014

I have been thinking about my one word for next year. I didn’t do a very good job with my word for 2013 – Health and do still need to work on improving my health habits. However,  I don’t want to keep the same word, so I had settled on Space as my word for 2014.

I want to finally finish my space – the loft where I have been slowly clearing stuff out and thinking of how to set  up for my purposes. I want to make space in my closets, on my shelves, in my project containers and elsewhere. I want to create space in my schedule for creative pursuits, for reading, for self-care activities and family. I want to create a space that is peaceful, loving and restorative for my family to come home to.

Then I started reading what other people were doing and now another word is  popping into my head  – Love. To act/live with love – to love myself(and my many faults/shortcomings) and to interact with others from a place of love.

I think I will stick with Space but try to include Love as I go about my days this coming year. We’ll see how it goes.  I’m looking forward to making some changes, moving forward and accomplishing some long overdue goals. What’s your word for 2014? I’d love to hear your plans for the new year.


Measure Up Monday – How am I doing on my goals?

November Goals

1. Pack up all the yard sale stuff and have it picked up by a charity – made a start on this and got 7 boxes of stuff out the door and on a truck to  charity

2. Sort, organize and store my fabric

3. Go through the year to date tax receipts and get them organized – have all my receipts in one place, just need to get them organized by category, organized

4. Create a master list of to dos


Well, November was not a productive month. I did get one goal completely done but the other 3 still have a long way to go.  I’m not setting any goals other than Christmas related stuff this month.  That will be enough to keep me busy.  I will be trying to think of some things to shoot for next year but I’m not going to stress about it. What gets done gets done and if I’m setting 2014 goals when I go on retreat mid-January that will be okay with me. I’m going to try and enjoy the rest of this year.



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